Why don’t you love me anymore? This kind of questioning indicates that one is feeling various emotions related to dissatisfaction, discontentment, feeling lonely and so on. If relationships are important to you, you would find yourself wanting to improve on it right? One way to do so is to be aware of the statements that you are constantly saying day in and day out with the people that you love. We realized that our thoughts are often reflected on the things that we say and do.
Michelle: Millions of people all over the world will be celebrating Valentines Day tomorrow. And I bet there will be happy and not so happy people around.
Daisy: Huh? Where did that thought come from?
Michelle: Hahahahah Sorry. It’s just that my attention was drawn to some of the comments I overhear on relationships – either with a spouse or parent-child or friends or best friends. You know any kind of relationships.
Daisy: What comments?
Michelle: Ummmm like why don’t you love me anymore?
Daisy: Oh those type of comments. Or should I say judgments?
Michelle: Judgments? Maybe something like that. You know I began to reflect on how we relate to each other and I noticed that this happens in our conversations too. Like yesterday when you were quiet, I asked you if you were bored.
Daisy:And I said I was just thinking and you insisted that I was not telling the truth and you declared that I was bored.
Michelle: Hahahhahaha Yes that one. And you frowned and so I said why were you being mad?
Daisy: You interpreted my frowning as me being mad. But I wasn’t mad, I was just frowning because I was shocked that you insisted I was bored!
Michelle: I was right, you were mad! Hahahahaha
Daisy: I was not! Hahahahahaha
Michelle: Sssssh…anyhow, these made me reflect! I realized that this occurs often when people are relating with one another and then it can trigger fights or arguments.
Daisy: Hmmm….I recall Deepak Chopra tackling this issue. Aaaahh it was about evaluation vs. observation. Here is a sample. You are in the kitchen thinking of what to cook for dinner. Your partner responds to your silence by saying what are you upset about?
Michelle: So the partner is attaching an interpretation to the silence.
Daisy: Yes, so every time you are putting a meaning into an action, you are evaluating not observing.
Michelle: For some weird reason, I understand what Deepak Chopra is trying to say.
Daisy: Let’s see. Here are two statements. Tell me which statement is an evaluation and which one is an observation.
Daisy: Statement (1)- I saw you flirting with a woman at a party. Statement (2) – I saw you talking with that woman for more than one hour.
Michelle: Statement 1 is an evaluation since the word flirting is connoting a judgment of sorts. The second statement is an observation.
Daisy: Yehey, you got that right!
Michelle: Do I get a star for this? Hahahahaha
Daisy: Hahahaha Okay here’s another one.
(1) – You’ve been coming home late from work for the past four weeks.
(2) – Your work has become more important than your family.
Michelle: The first statement is an observation and the second statement is an evaluation.
Daisy: You got another star!!!
Michelle: Wooohoo! I am getting the hang of it.
Daisy: Last one.
(1) – You don’t kiss me when you come home from work anymore.
(2) – You don’t love me anymore.
Michelle: Number one is an observation and number two is an evaluation!
Daisy: Three stars!!! Alright!
Michelle: Hahahahaha Okay so now to apply it in our lives and in our relationships.
Daisy: Hahahahhahaha Yes, this is important. Any evaluation, judgment or interpretation made can shock the other person and puts the other person in a defensive mode.
Michelle: And this starts the fights or arguments. I guess we don’t like to be judged.
Daisy: Oh yes, we never liked being judged most especially if we still don’t believe in our worth. Judgment scares us because we feel we are being rejected for who we are
Michelle: So we build walls to protect ourselves
Daisy: So that’s why we need to go back to affirming our worth and loving the self as God loves us.
Michelle: Amen. By the way, are you still feeling bored?
By: Michelle Simtoco and Daisy Ba-ad